We'll get the silly pun out of the way now: Sex without the big o at the end? That's 'karezza'! And yes, at the first, second and third glances, you might still agree that even discussing this topic is kind of ridiculous, but we can assure you that the more you read about 'coitus reservatus', the more you will consider giving it a try. And just to make it clear up front: This is not celibacy. Not at all. Karezza sex involves naked people holding each other, caressing each other, penetrating each other...but just not ultimately ejaculating. The man attempts to stay like this as long as possible without release. But this is not to build up arousal so that it finally explodes and overflows in the greatest orgasm you ever had. Instead, the more subtle feelings of pleasure you feel while just being inside your partner is meant to be the sustained orgasmic feeling.

But beyond being aware that penetration is taking place, the real focus is meant to be on the two of you, embracing each other, lost in each others eyes, acting as if you were simply one body, not two. And if this sounds more spiritual than sexy, that is definitely the point. Forget deep powerful thrusts, reduce them down to barely anything, but still focus so intently so that you maintain a powerful and strong erection as you remain inside your lover. So much of sex is focused on your sexual organs, but really it should be about your whole body. Karezza focuses on just that: cuddling, kissing and simply holding each other, skin-against-skin.

You know the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'? Well here it is 'delay make the urge grow stronger'. But not in the way that it builds and builds up into a overwhelming, earth-shattering, erotic climax. Compared to other articles you might read on here about some crazy sexual positions, Karezza will come of extremely mild, and not at all wild.

Now that you have that cherished skin-on-skin contact going on, the 'moves' that you will be doing don't seem like much at all, but these little things can definitely add up. Certainly the standard kissing and caressing is all good, and a bit of slow and light nipple and breast can be on the menu. Impromptu massages, rocking of the hips, heads on chest to listen to the heartbeat, and a bit of genital cupping is also okay, but there's a huge part of karezza sex that seems to drop the body entirely. Smile a lot, whisper sweet nothings to them directly, try to match your breathing, stare into their eyes for a long time, moan in tandem, and even think about all the things you love about them.

Lest you think it's becoming a bit like a support group, it should be once again noted that you are actually having intercourse while all this is happening.

In fact, if you've ever slowly fallen asleep with your partner after sex just while holding them tightly and you are still inside them (or inside you), then that's probably a good first example of inadvertently trying out some Karezza sex. While not something you would wholly embrace and do all the time, it is certainly a good way to change up your normal bedroom routine, as sometimes a much more understated and reflective coupling can make a lovely contrast to the wild and cray sex you might have had two nights earlier.

If Karezza is the new fad, then Tantric Sex is the well known, big name draw for drawn out, hours-long lovemaking sessions. And like many spiritual practices that has a small silver of sexuality associated with them, it is largely misinterpreted by many people. Additionally, due to one interview he did in the nineties, the musician known as Sting is forever associated as being the main celebrity who practices Tantric sex, even though even he will tell you it's more of a lifestyle choice that involves meditation, exercises, healthy eating and many other daily activities...in addition to having sex for a longer period of time than what is normally expected in the West.

But this is done in a similar way as Karezza, in that it's not simply having standard intercourse and 'holding it in' for a very long period of time. Ideally you will have embraced the Tantric lifestyle not just for the sex, because how you are living your life at this time will reflect in the sort of sex you will be not only capable of, but interested in, having. You are meditating heavily and are trying to reach a more reflective and serene emotional state, and you bring that goal with you when it comes to sex, and that means you are certainly looking at the sex act as a joining of two spiritual bodies, not just two people looking to get their groove on. Your orgasms might not be that much different in terms of physical sensation, but you will appreciate them more for what they are in your eyes: a representation of the flow and movement of life, and one that can be shared with others.

While its relationship to Hinduism is noted above, delays and control ejaculation is popular in other eastern religions such as Taoism as well. In the same sense as above, sex is seen more as a 'joining of the essences' instead of simply sexual reproduction. Accepting and embracing the union of one's own body and mind - while merging with another individual's body and mind - is a key step in spiritual advancement. Other lesser known religious sects like the Rosicrucians also support this type of sexual activity as the one that is closest to a religious experience.

This is because serenity and reflection is put ahead of pleasure. Orgasm control is done not because pleasure is evil, but because this sort of pleasure arrives to easily. In the eyes of these spiritualists, it's a kind of cheating, where if you rub or thrust or lick something intensely and fast enough, you get your little prize of ecstasy. But for those who want to experience something deeper, something more genuine, then this sort of spiritual sex is available for you (provided you are also interested in adopting some of the other lifestyle changes that can come come with Taoism or Rosicrucianism.

After all a training of the body and mind does require work outside of simply the activity of sex. There is prayer, meditation, and (non sexual) social engagements with other practitioners. Only by taking this seriously can you then move into trying to use sex to reach this other level of spirituality. You will be building up anticipation and arousal over weeks, not minutes.

Sex is pretty straightforward. Even with all the different positions throughout history (thank you, kama sutra) and the huge addition of new ones recently (thank you, internet), there are only so many ways that you can really reach that pleasure peak. While we've just talked about how Karezza sex overlaps with many other eastern religions' views of sex and spirituality, we definitely want to stress that Karezza never require the same level of dedication, and that part of it was meant to be a health-related experience, not just an attempt to reach a higher level of consciousness. Which means that it's an easier thing to try than a whole new religious lifestyle, so if you're even remotely bored with your current sex life, or just like to try new things, giving this one a try is worth it.

Even if you and your partner start to snicker after staring at each others' eyes for way to long as you embrace each other in bed, you can at least look at it as a bit of very slow foreplay before moving on to the familiar parts of sex that you really do enjoy. Actually, maybe you'll be able to incorporate some of the Karezza qualities we noted in the opening section to how you performs other sex acts. Bringing a more meditative quality to sex can certainly pay off since on a very basic level, the longer you wait for the ending, the better it will be.

While this may sound like the latest sex fad (it is admittedly getting a resurgence) that was actually borne out of reading some old religious texts from India, Karezza comes from the Italian word for 'caress', and was first developed by a female doctor in the eighteenth century (while it might sound a crude saying 'female doctor', she was the fifth one in the history of the United States). Alice Stockton was an obstetrician who championed equal rights, birth control, and sexual health, all three of which had her run afoul with authorities and community leaders throughout her life. For publishing literature related to the idea of men refraining from ejaculating - but still receiving and giving pleasure to women - for the good of a healthy marriage, she was arrested when she was 72 years old.

One religious community, the Oneida, promoted karezza in its views on marriage, and was subsequently attacked and ostracized, with several of its members arrested for alleged sexual deviancy.

Even when some of the best known and enduring documents related to Karezza Sex was published in the nineteen-thirties, it lingered in more or less obscurity for decades. It's re-discovery came, not surprisingly, in the nineteen sixties during the sexual revolution (the same time when eastern spirituality was also popular), but only recently has been able to step out from Tantric Sex's long shadow of what spiritual sex can be.

Early proponents of Karezza highlighted its ability to help solve various ailments related to the sexual organs (ranging from vaginal discharge to prostatitis), but none of them have really stood up to rigorous scientific research. What should be focused on, however, is how much this form of sex can increase levels of oxytocin in the body. This hormone is released through the pituitary gland in the brain when you are kissing, cuddling, and just being intimately close (skin on skin) to another person, and the result is feeling relaxation and happiness. Not unlike an orgasm, actually, but just a much, much more mellow one.

If not for your physical health, then certainly for the health of your relationship. As you could probably have guessed, this isn't exactly one-night-stand material. Ideally you already have a very strong emotional connection with the person you are having this sort of sex with. It's a wonderful thing to share with someone you care deeply about it, and it's certainly an interesting and unique way to get to know each other better. In fact, part of proper Karezza sex is discussing ahead of time what you would like to do and get out of each session, and then have a debriefing about it afterwards (both can certainly be done while you are in loving embrace).

Finally, if you need Karezza sex whittled down to one reassuring phrase, it's this: Don't overthink it and just relax.

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