There are some people who are so picky when it comes to dating and many times these same individuals don't know why they seem to pick, choose and refuse as it is related to dating and finding someone to love. There is nothing wrong when you know your value and your worth, but you shouldn't let it get in the way of finding someone to spend your life with or enjoy your time with. Some people have a long list of requirements as to the kind of person that they are looking for. While nothing is wrong with this, you still have to be flexible, if someone does not meet everything on that list. If you have the habit of sticking to the list and not budging, you might end up being alone for a very long time because no one is perfect.

You may never find Mr. Perfect or Mrs. Perfect because he or she does not exist. You are living in a fantasy world and you need to get out of that thought process and be realistic. If you are extremely picky, you might end up being alone. Some people use their 'pickiness' as a way to defend against actually making a choice in a partner. They might not be ready to make the commitment and so they use this picky behavior to ward off anyone that can come close to them. In other words, it is a way for them to be protected from going into a long term relationship. It could be due to fear, being vulnerable or feeling rejected, if the person that they choose is not interested. It is important to confront your true feelings of why you are picky. If you sincerely want to date someone and your 'pickiness' is standing in the way, you should try to implement a strategy to go on three dates and then call it quits and move on. When you use the 'three date' rule, it allows you to figure out if you like the person or if it is worth your time. And, it makes you judge less and actually try to enjoy the dating process, especially if you connect on the first date.

Everyone deserves someone who is respectful and good to them. However, it is important to note that everyone has flaws and that you will not realistic get someone who is flawless. While you should have your own standards, you should not make it impossible for someone to meet. If you stay focused on perfection, you tend to put blinders on and the man or woman who is right for you might come along and you miss the opportunity because of your strict standards. Don't be too fixated on the perfect choice because there are a lot of amazing people out there that could make you happy and yet you fail to give them a chance or you overlook them. If you remain stuck on finding the exact person that you are looking for, then no one might be able to live up to your expectations. And for that reason, you will never be happy and you might continue to live a lonely life. There are certain signs that your expectations are too high and this is preventing you from actually seeing and accepting a great man or woman that might be right in front of you.

If you tell yourself that you are having a hard time finding a partner, then that is exactly what will keep happening. There are many men and women who are also looking to hook up with someone that they can connect with. If you are picky, then it does make it more difficult to pursue a relationship. You are the one that is placing the difficulty on the process and this could be unhealthy. Could it be that you are a bit confused or is it that you went through a bad experience before and don't want to choose someone with some or all of those same attributes? However, you cannot allow your past to dictate your future and it is not fair to judge others by your past experiences. It is best to start a clean slate and give someone else a chance to prove themselves.

You can be picky in a healthy way. It could be that you want to be careful about choosing someone you will spend your life with and you want to take it slow from the start. It could be that you want o choose someone who is respectful of you, if you choose not to have sex until marriage. It could be that you want to get to know the person first before making a commitment and so, you have your guard up to protect yourself against anyone who is going to go against your wishes. This is a healthy way to handle your pickiness. You should still be open to compromise because you could meet someone who will respect your celibacy, but still want a level of commitment from you.

Being extremely picky could be an unhealthy way to deal with things. Yes, you want to find someone to have a relationship with and yet you find yourself looking for an exact match. And that is why you are still single. You have a bad habit of looking for the weaknesses and faults of others when you go on a date and so you end up not making it to the second date. In fact, you might even sum up your date before physically seeing the person because of your preconceived notions of what you want and what you don't want. More importantly, you might be nit picking and focusing on the things that are minute and small and can be worked through or fixed. It is time to focus on the positive.

There is also a fear factor that comes into play for those people who are picky daters. This is a way for you to put your defense because you may fear rejection or fear falling in love with someone and become vulnerable to the hurt and pain that sometimes comes with certain relationships. You may have gone through some hurt and pain from past relationships and have not yet let that go. This is usually the underlying issue for some individuals with a bad experience in the past. They are afraid to give up their independence and so they find excuses not to date someone they like. On the other hand, it could be that they don't want anyone else to see their weaknesses or flaws.

There are many people that go into a relationship with caution; at least, most of them do. And the reason is that they don't want to go deeply into it right away to get hurt. There are others who don't care and will go right into it because they think that it is worth the risk. For the picky dater, it can get quite stressful and in most cases, they are the ones that create that stress by asking for too much from the other person. If you are a picky dater, you tend to go out of your way to find as many faults as possible with the other person. This is a way for you to protect yourself against the hurt. And it doesn't matter who the other person is because you put everyone in the same box. In so doing, you are going to push everyone away and this continues to be your revolving door. This is the only way you know how to handle it due to the need to self protect.

The good news is that the person who is a picky dater can go through the changes that will help them to be different. However, first the person has to admit that there is a problem that it is a fear of the unknown that bugs them; subsequently causing them to be picky. Once the picky dater admits the obvious and is honest about the fear of having a long term relationship or getting involved with someone who will cause hurt and pain, then there is room for a solution. Sometimes, the pickiness is related to low self esteem, insecurity, how someone grew up and a bunch of other deep seated problems. When you find the real reason for the pickiness, it is easier to find a solution or ways to fix it gradually. If you are really concerned about this and really want to resolve it, let your close friends know how you feel and ask them to point out when they see you getting picky or finding fault with a potential date so that you can check yourself. Your friends will be there to support you and help you to know that it is OK to be vulnerable in any kind of relationship. It is time to let your guard down.

There are certain signs that indicate when someone is picky or not as it relates to dating. Most picky daters will be strict about dating others that have certain attributes such as height, age, facial assets and much more. The picky dater is looking for immediate chemistry and connection with the other person or they won't allow a second date. There has to be an instant physical attraction. Some people will only date someone with an advanced college degree or certain six figure career. However, the question is what are you bringing to the table? While you might have a six figure income or advanced degree, are you physically attractive or do you have that instant connection that the other person can rely on? So, the idea is to think about the things that you bring to the relationship too and don't just find things wrong with the other person. Do you have what it takes too? It is so superficial to think about things that someone has instead of trying to get to know the person first and see if there is emotional value to proceed with a relationship. Find out simple things like what the person is passionate about and the kind of music or places of travel they love. That is where you should start. Most people are picky about material things rather than shared values. You should look for someone who is compatible to you in an emotional, spiritual and physical sense. In so doing, you will end up spending less time with people who do not share the same values as you do. In other words, if you are going to be picky, do so for the right things.

You should look beyond the materialistic or the external and focus more on the internal. Yes, the heart and soul of someone is more important than where they work and the income they bring in. You should appreciate a potential date for what he or she wants to become in the future. You should be looking for someone who is continuing to improve their lives. Never judge someone based on their current situation or past relationships. You should be a picky dater; only if you want to find someone that makes you feel loved, safe, cherished, respected, seen and heard.

You should make a definitive rule to decide whether you like someone after the fourth date. Don't be smitten on the first date or you might get into the same situation that you are trying to avoid. Give each other enough time to get to know more before you start judging. Get rid of your fear of the unknown or the potential of being hurt. No one knows the future and in many cases, you have to take a risk on someone that you want to have a relationship with. Throw away your long list of requirements and allow things to flow naturally. It is OK to make a mistake about someone. Just pick up the pieces and start again.