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Am I Dating The Wrong Person?

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While relationships are never going to be perfect, and arguments are inevitable, every so often you need to try and stand back and be as objective as possible and ask yourself if the person you are dating is the right one for you. Do you feel like you can't relax and be yourself around them, because you think they won't like you anymore? Do they hold beliefs or ideas that you find yourself completely disagreeing with? Do they do certain little gestures that get on your nerves very quickly? Are you worried that when you introduce them to your friends that they might say something or act in a way that will embarrass you?

Now just because you answered 'yes' to any of those questions doesn't necessarily mean that you should break up with this person right away, but it does suggest that changes might have to happen in order for the relationship to get to a better place. The good thing about asking this question in the dating period means if you do determine that the person is wrong for you, then you can break up with much less emotional damage and complication than if you were, say, already living together.

It is also important to note that there really is no 'wrong person', because if you've been on a few dates with them and enjoyed at least some of their company - if you were really disappointed with them, you probably wouldn't have bother with a second date - then it suggests that they are just the wrong person for you in a long term relationship sense. It's completely possible to have a fun time for a month or two and then move on. But being able to make that decision is important, before things get too serious.

Be Honest With Yourself

Sometimes it is very easy to make excuses both for yourself or the other person. It's very easy to overlook people's faults and focus on what you like about them, especially early on in the dating process, as you're really just getting to know each other. Honesty is definitely an important quality for relationships from the start, although everyone will agree that early on most people are showing off their best, most polite and positive versions of themselves on the first few dates. It's not that you're lying to the other person, but you are definitely listening more attentively, saying 'yes' to trying new things, and trying to look a lot more stylish than you usual are. And that's fine, of course.

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But as you continue to date, both of you will start to show more honest sides of yourselves, and you both might start to pick up on certain things where inside your head you might think, 'oh, that's how what they do that?' If the other person seems to show more and more examples of behaviour where that's your reaction, it's a good sign that instead of always asking that question to yourself, you should probably ask them about it. Not that you're suddenly presenting them with a list of things you don't like about them, but that you want to make it clear that you want to have a discussion about where this relationship might be headed. It might make for a difficult talk to have, and they might even feel slighted about all these negatives (at least in your eyes) about them, but it's better to be honest at this stage, rather than lying to yourself and say that these things don't bother you.

What are You Looking For?

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You will never find the perfect person, because that can only exist as an idea in your head. Every person you date is always going to be somewhat less than perfect, but that's absolutely fine. The issue is what negative qualities (in your eyes) do they have that you are willing to tolerate because they have all these positive qualities?

Sometimes there are some similarities that are essential to relationship. Maybe you can't date someone who lives in an extremely sloppy and messy way. Sure they may have presented themselves well on the first few dates, but when you finally go to their home and you find it a mess - even when it was planned that you were coming over - that might be the one thing that's a deal breaker for you. Or at least a very big red flag.

Everyone has to compromise in dating and relationships, and while in your head you might have a list things that you can deal with, and things that you certainly can't.

What Are They Looking For?

It's also important to acknowledge that the tables can be turned, and maybe you have qualities that other people will certainly find annoying or incompatible. If cleanliness is important to you, and you think that's a pretty easygoing and fair trait to have, the other person might see you as a neat freak who obsesses over making sure everything is always perfectly arranged and put away. Once again, one example is not necessarily enough to receive the label of 'wrong person', but it certainly is food for thought.

Being on the receiving end of hearing 'this is what I think you need to change about yourself' is never a pleasant thing to hear, and it's tempting to throw it back in their face and say all the things you don't like about them, but avoiding that reaction is important. It's much better to reflect on what they've said, and if you just naturally disagree with their view, then it might be a sign that you're 'both' the wrong person.

What Can Change And What Can't

One of the reasons the belief that, 'I can change them' has lasted so long in terms of relationships is because it is absolutely true. Yes, it is definitely possible to - over time - change someone's attitudes, viewpoints, or behaviour, but not every single attitude, viewpoint or behaviour. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and the fact that it's always a toss up means you might accidentally damage the relationship by passively or actively pushing for this change in your partner.

When you first starting dating someone and you begin to see some of the ways that you're not completely compatible, it might not be the right time to push for these changes, so it's a matter of deciding whether you want to live with these issues for a certain amount of time before trying to lightly change them. It can be seen as good sign that the relationship is continuing along despite these differences.

At the same time, it needs to definitely be acknowledged that in some ways, people can't change, or simply won't change just because someone they've been dating for awhile would like them to. And they could still be very polite and friendly and say, 'this is just how I am, and I'm okay with that part of me', or they could be upset that you would try to have them change anything about themselves. The question for you (and them, of course) is whether this difference makes them the wrong person for you.

When to Call it Quits

The good thing about considering this while you are dating them, rather than being in a serious relationship, is that you're not letting these problems remain the elephant the room that neither of you talk about, that you want to deal with these issues before you both make big changes in your lives regarding each other.

If you are constantly arguing about things that get on each other's nerves - and it makes complete sense that if you have a list of problems, then the other person probably has one for you as well - which neither of you has any interest in correcting, it might be time to end the relationship. But arguing doesn't have to be the one and only time to end it. Even if you've kept completely quiet about the problems and concerns you have about them and the relationship, that's not a healthy situation, either. If you are always worried about how they treat you (or others) and it gnaws at you, even when you're not in the same room as them, that's another sign that this person might not be the right on for you. You shouldn't be worried most of the time in a relationship. That's important proof that it's not working, and it's better to end it now than later.

Moving On and Staying Positive

Even if you weren't dating for very long, it's not easy to quickly forget that person, since the fact that it went past a few dates proved that you had at least some affinity for one another. But you can find solace in the fact that it was almost certainly for the best that you broke up earlier rather than later. Reassure yourself that most relationships don't work out, and that dating several people before you find the right person is completely natural, and the fact that there are always millions of people looking to date and hookup online is proof that you're not the only one in this situation.

It's also completely possible that just as you had some problems with them, that they had problems with you, and might have shared these concerns. And now that it's over, you might be worried that other people might find the same problems with you when you start to date them. Fortunately, because everyone is a little bit different, what a negative is to one person can be a positive to another. If the person you just broke up with thought you were a neat-freak, don't worry that everyone is going to find that a minus. Perhaps the next person you meet will agree that keeping your house in perfect cleanliness is very important. Heck, even if someone says that you're the wrong person for them because you're not very exciting in bed (which can certainly hurt to hear), the next person you meet might think you're absolutely what they're looking for in the sex department.

How To Stay Safe Online

Since most people first meet up via a dating app or website these days, it's important to make sensible and rational decisions over what information to share with people, and how to conduct yourself. Especially if you've just come off of a break up, you might be particularly vulnerable to someone who might just be interested in a one night stand, or even worse, someone who try to learn more about you in order to scam you in some way.

By far the best advice is to be patient and positive, and not give up any personal information about yourself, no matter how 'perfect' the other person might seem at first. While there's is nothing wrong with being eager to meet other people, especially someone who says (or messages) all the things you love to hear, a little bit of care can make sure you won't be hurt in the future.

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Am I Dating the Wrong Person? - LocalMatches.com

It's a question that we have all asked in our lives, but it's one of the most important ones as well. So if you're not sure if you're dating the wrong person, please read this LocalMatches.com article to know all the important info.

Am I Dating the Wrong Person? - LocalMatches.com