Thanks to the internet these days, it's easier than ever to meet people, but it's not just meeting one person, as it can be as many people as you want. The act of 'roaching' is seeing more than one person at a time, and not necessarily telling everyone that you are doing this. Instead you are assuring everyone that they and they alone are the person you are dating right now. With this lie, it should be no surprise that doing this is named after a bug that everybody hates.

This is clearly not a new phenomenon, as this essentially the entire idea of what mistresses and having affairs have been throughout history. You didn't even have to be some sort of 'ladies man' for this to happen (but it probably helped), since all it takes is going out and meeting new people and not letting the other person now. The internet certainly has changed things, however, as it is now much, much easier to juggle and compartmentalize aspects of your life, and keep things private.

There are many differing opinions on whether 'roaching' is an absolutely awful and despicable thing to do, or just part of the modern dating landscape. The difference is whether or not you are completely open and tell the all the people who you're dating at the time that you are doing this. While at first it seems like almost everyone would disappointed about this, it should be noted that typically this occurring at very early stages in these relationships (at least when we apply the term 'roaching', since if you were in a serious relationship and was seeing someone else and hiding that face, it would simply be old fashioned cheating).

Playing with people's emotions is the difference here between being seen as a manipulative liar and simply a modern bachelor/bachelorette. You are only going to look that much more of an awful person if you keep your actions to yourself. The more people that you tell that you are dating not just them, the better it is, although you cannot possibly be upset if they decide that's not what they're looking for. After all, they might feel like they are wasting their time trying to get to know you if you might be decide that someone else you're dating is suddenly the right person. It also brings up the idea that all these people are suddenly competing for your attention, which can certainly make them feel less valued as individuals. Whether this a big problem, or just part of dating nowadays might depend on whether or not you're the one that's been cut loose from someone who decided to go with another person they were seeing at the same time.

These days, it is actually not that unusual - or disreputable - to be going on dates with a few people at once is before a time in any of the relationships where the people involved want to get serious. Whether this scenario lasts for weeks or for months is up to the people involved, and if this done is a responsible and honest manner, the ideal result is that you'll find that perhaps you have more of a connection with one of the people you are seeing, and begin to focus your attention almost exclusively on them, and inform the other people you were also seeing that it is essentially over, and that you're now seeing one person. This is the ideal because it conveniently ignores the fact that even if you've been honest the whole time, feelings can still be hurt, arguments can still be had, and resent can linger, long after you stop seeing the person (or people) you were previously involved with.

This is why the best situation is to be right up front on the first date - or even when texting or messaging, if you've met online - about how you are still seeing other people in the same sort of casual fashion that you are seeing them right now. As long as both of you know what the stakes are, then you can prepare for when this micro-relationship might suddenly end.

When your date tells you that they are also seeing other people in casual ways, it makes sense that there might be some red flags waving and alarm bells going off. While at first it's reassuring that they are telling you the truth up front, it is inevitable that you will wonder just honest they are about everything after this, in terms of how things are moving along - or not moving along - with the other people. While you might not want to always be asking how serious it is or isn't becoming with the person's other dating prospects (it might come off snooping, or appearing to be clingy), it would be natural to wonder how serious they are taking this possible relationship with you.

The simple truth might just be that dating someone who is dating other people (and is open about it) might just not be the situation for you. If you can put it out of your mind and focus on enjoying your time with them, then great, but if you find yourself always wondering about where this is truly going, or if they're having more fun with someone else, then it's an indication that maybe you should stick to dating people who are only dating...you.

One of the ways that roaching can seem a lot more fair and less manipulative is if both people are essentially doing it at the same time. At least for these two people, that is, since someone who is more likely to engaging in roaching would be much more accepting of other people doing the same thing. It would be particularly hypocritical if someone who was dating more than one person got very upset they found out one of these people were also 'playing the field' in the same sort of way. This would certainly be an indication that this person might not a keeper.

At the same time, roaching doesn't look nearly as bad when people talk about it up front, especially in a way that makes it seem like a much more common thing to do. In fact, hearing your date talk about it might make the prospect of you doing the same thing a lot more palpable. While it might not seem exactly something you can find in common for too long, if you both are excited by polyamorous/open relationships, this might be the start.

If you are on a date and someone mentions that they're seeing other people at the same time, you could brush it off and say cool (and this could be absolutely true), you can ask them a lot of questions about how things are going with these other dates (which they might find invasive or clingy), or you can finish your drink and walk out in a huff. If you do decide to continue to see them, at least for the short term, it can be a dicey proposition, because you might be trying to avoid growing any serious feelings for them because you are aware that they (or you) can end this at any moment if they don't think it's working. And while that's true for any relationship, it seems much more plausible now with the knowledge that they are seeing other people regularly.

It's no surprise then that this feeling can make people very unwilling to even try to make this sort of arrangement work. The alternative is them not telling you and you finding out somehow by accident, either by something they mentioned casually, a social media post they didn't consider, or the weird links that come with a friend of a friend knowing someone else. Finding out this way might be a total deal breaker no matter who long or short the relationship has been going on, since them withholding this information is almost akin to cheating (and a bad enough thing to give a good reason to why it's called roaching).

Relationships have changed quite a bit since the advent of the internet, and that also means the way we view relationships have changed as well. Nicknaming dating trends - both positive and negative - have resulted in some fairly unusual terms, but no activity seems to have gotten a worse name than roaching.

Cockroaches are insects that are as old as the dinosaurs, and have always been viewed by humanity as pests. And while certainly is disgusting to see one scuttle across your kitchen floor, these bugs are not known for carrying deadly diseases like mosquitos or ticks do. Surprisingly, cockroaches are social creatures, and behave much differently in groups, leaving their shelters and eating more than when they live alone. Through various chemical excretions, the insects can communicate with one another as well. Despite this, the stigma remains, and thing that we throw away are typically 'for the roaches'. Another odd fact is that the term 'roach', meant to describe the end of a marijuana cigarette, is named after the spanish term for bad-quality tobacco, 'tabac de cucaracha'.

By now it's clear that meeting people online has almost completely replaced meeting people in person. Even if you do the latter, part of your communication will certainly be through texting and social media. That means you have to be aware of the challenges that certainly come with this part of a relationship, especially when it comes to roaching. No one wants to get their feelings hurt, and no one wants to go and hurt the feelings of others. That's why you have to be ready for all sorts of 'bumpy rides' during the initial steps of relationships these days. First and foremost is being slow to trust everything someone claims on their profile, or as you chat with them. This level of wariness can prevent a lot of heartbreak in the future. Sharing personal or financial information is also something that should be avoided (and you should be suspicious of anyone asking for them).

It's becoming a lot more normal to always be talking to various people and prospective dates while using social media sites. Being aware that there is always a likelihood that the person you might be having dinner or drinks with for the first few times may also be seeing someone else a few nights later is a very important way to keep you from getting hurt emotionally. Certainly it would be more beneficial if the person told you this ahead of time, but they might be worried that you would storm of when you heard it.

One of the best things to do is to set up your profile in such a way that you outline exactly what you're looking for, and how you are going to look for it. Be open and honest, because that way people will know what to expect, and be more honest with you. By no means is it a guarantee to a future relationship, but it can definitely help that it starts on the right foot.

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