'Houseplanting' is ignoring the person you're dating to the point where the relationship ends. In many ways it's a lot like ghosting, except that ghosting comes from a much more negative perspective, where you are trying to hurt the other person by completely ignoring them. With houseplanting, it's more about being indifferent, or neglectful because you aren't interested in the relationship at all. You can almost make the argument that the person who is doing the ignoring is being so lazy that they can't even be bothered to simply say 'I'm not interested', and is letting the other person - who is being ignored - to be the responsible

Now typically this will happen pretty early on in a relationship, like after a few dates or a month or two, since the longer the two of you are seeing each other, the harder it will be to simply start ignoring the other person completely. And of course, if you're already living together, this isn't really the option at all.

The term is a fairly recent one, and went viral from an illustration a well-known social media creator posted, where a person is wondering why this person they went on a few dates with were suddenly ignoring them, treating them like nothing more than the average houseplant. Voila! After a couple thousand initial shares, that's really all it takes for a new dating term to come into existence.

We have gotten so accustomed to getting replies to our texts in an incredibly fast pace that it's now expected to offer an explanation and apology when you take longer than usual to reply (you'd say something like 'sorry, my battery died', or 'I took a nap when you sent me that'). So the first thing to do before assuming that you're being Houseplanted - or simply ignored - is to make sure that this isn't just happening over one afternoon when the other person might be busy, or that there are some other explanations as to why your texts are going unanswered. Sometimes you're relieved for a few seconds to find out that someone hasn't been ignoring you, but that they've been busy dealing with a family emergency.

Actual Houseplanting comes on much more slowly, almost like a river that eventually runs dry. It goes from it's regular flow, to maybe more like a creek, and then it's just a trickle. Perhaps during the period of the first few dates you are texting back and forth, but then they don't get back to very quickly, and then trying to plan to get together the next is difficult because they say they're really busy, and don't offer and alternate time themselves. If you try to act patient so as to not look overeager, and wait for them to be the first strike up the next conversation or suggest a time to meet, it might be time to consider yourself houseplanted if they have not contacted after an entire week.

People are busy! Yes, thanks to the phones in our pockets we have the ability to reply to anyone texting us within a few seconds, but no one really lives that way. Whether it works, hobbies, exercises, or countless other activities, it's expected that people won't reply to every text right away. In fact, there is even the trend of not responding immediately (like the first few minutes) of an initial text just to give the impression to the other person that you're either busy, or not too desperate or overeager to talk (you might call it 'playing it cool'). There is also the possibility that after reading your text, the person got several texts before they could reply, and yours sunk down on their list of recent texts in their messaging app, and they've simply forgotten. Sure it's frustrating to think that they've forgotten you, but at least it's an accident in this case.

There's no reason to jump to the worst possible conclusion and assume that you've been Houseplanted. You have to give the situation a lot of time, especially in the early period of dating, because a lot of conflicting emotions can be running through both of your heads. And depending on the nature of the relationship, it's possible that you might both be dating other people at this time (which is becoming more and more common), which is an entirely new reason as to why they are slow or wary to respond to you. Even if the relationship is only a few months old, hopefully you will know enough about the other person to tell whether they are suddenly acting a lot differently than before.

If you are being Houseplanted, the first and most important thing you should do is not take it to heart, and not blame yourself. It's the laziness and pettiness of the other person that created this situation, simply because they couldn't be strong enough (or even simply be bothered) to do the right thing and say the relationship isn't working out. And if you've gone on enough dates, it would actually be pretty rude just ending it via text, let alone not address it at all.

In some ways, seeing this side of the other person is a good indication of why it's probably best that you've avoided a long-term relationship with them in the first place. If this is how your partner is going to deal with hardship and difficult decisions, it probably means you would have had to carry the brunt of the load, which is not fair at all. It shows that they are too lazy to have any sort of initiative, letting you first writhe in sadness and uncertainty as to what is happening, and then simply assume that relationship is finished. This doesn't sound at all like someone you would want to be with for the a large part of your life.

The truth can definitely hurt, but it's a much quicker sting compared to the damage a long-running lie can do. No matter what stage of the relationship we're talking about, if lies are there, then the relationship does not have much of a future. While someone who is Houseplanting you isn't exactly lying, they are absolutely avoiding the truth, both to themselves and to you.

Even if they just sent one cold text, like 'it's not working. Sorry.', that would be better than having you wondering what is going on. Obviously receiving a message like this would not be one of relief, as you would quickly move to be angry at just how poorly they've told you this, but at least this feeling can eventually pass, because you finally know the condition of the relationship. It's the difference of losing someone at sea, and finding the body right away, or never finding it and wondering if there is a small possibility that they are still out there. In so many cases when it comes to unfortunate situations, people would typically choose to know the truth, then hold cling to a hopeless lie.

While Houseplanting is not necessarily as devastating as a much more serious, multi-year breakup, it can certainly affect the person just because of how cruelly casual the entire ordeal has been. There is certainly the frustration of you trying to keep the relationship going (while also not trying to look clingy and desperate), and getting absolutely no response from the other person in return. Not only is it rejection, but that they think so little of you that they don't say anything, you are just forgotten and tossed away.

The challenge is to not let this bother you as you move on to trying dating again, whether it's starting completely fresh online, or something set up by a friend. In fact, trying to meet people in different ways might be one of the best steps to take. If the rise and fall of this relationship occurred mainly through texting and messaging through the phone, why not try to start one completely face to face? Join a softball or board game league. Whatever your hobbies are, go to meetings that take place face-to-face, not just online. Simply changing your routine can do wonders for your attitude.

It will be tempting to think any sort of delayed reply is going to head to the same thing all over again, but it's important to remember that it takes lots of time to be certain what is actually happening. It also helps to talk about what happened openly to the person you're seeing now, because (hopefully) they will not subject you to the same sort of treatment.

Always be open about how you feel in the relationship, and tell the other person when you don't think something is working. One of the worst things about Houseplanting is that, by its very nature, you can never truly be sure of what happened. If they are ignoring your texts completely, you don't know what has happened. They may have forgotten about you and moved and are happily dating someone else, or they might have had some terrible accident.

So keep the communications lines open. Stop considering how it would look if you text back right away to someone and just do it, because that way there won't be any uncertainty. And if it is clear that the relationship isn't working out, perhaps it would be best to avoid leaving it up to some texts, even if they are trying to be polite. Meeting the other person face-to-face and telling them that it's not working out might be more difficult, but it's also going to be more effective and clear in getting your thoughts and feelings across. Even though texting has become an essentially way to communicate, misunderstandings still happen, and you don't want that to happen for something as serious as this.

Meeting people via dating sites and hookup apps is certainly going to continue, and that means no matter how frustrating any setbacks that might have befallen you - whether houseplanting or any other disappointing trend - the important thing is to try again, but with just a bit more wisdom and knowledge than before. It's hard to tell immediately from seeing someone's photo and reading their own bio of themselves how they are going to act in a relationship with you, whether through good or bad times.

The most important thing is to stress what you think is important from the very beginning, and certainly that is requesting that both of you be open and honest with each other, especially when it comes to the possibility that one of you thinks this arrangement isn't working. A little bit of effort and a quick text, even as you or they are already checking out other profiles and people because you aren't happy, can go a long way in making sure both of you know what's going on

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