'Micro'-anything is all the rage these days, including 'micro-aggressions', which are apparently certain behaviours or actions that, while not being able to upset everyone, might upset some people. And because how different everyone is, and how certain things might be sensitive to one person and not another, there can never really be a solid list of all the micros that can affect everyone. Because, by definition, it wouldn't really be micro, but macro. Here's the easy science behind those two terms: micro means small, and macro means big.

'Microcheating' are certain behaviours that some people might consider to just be on the verge of cheating. And these behaviours are so numerous that it's clear that many people can debate heatedly over whether it's actually a problem at all. For some people, if their partner is still in any sort of contact with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, that would qualify (even if it was just the occasional text, because the relationship ended on (relatively) good terms).

Of course, all that really matters is how you and your partner define microcheating, because maybe you are pretty open to how you lead your lives, and as long as they (or you) aren't sleeping with other people, then no cheating is actually happening. Or maybe liking an ex's old post is enough to cause a huge argument over whether you still have feeling for them, and where your current relationship is going. The important thing is that you and your partner are clear from the get-go of what you're looking for.

No one is going to confuse having an affair or making tearful phone calls in the middle of the night to a former lover as microcheating. Those examples are pretty cut and dry proof that something isn't exactly going well in any relationship (unless it's a completely open or polyamorous one, but that's a topic for another sex and dating article). Microcheating is a lot more subtle, and some couples will roll their eyes when they hear of what other people have broken up over.

Not surprisingly, the internet and social media is pretty much where micro cheating can occur, and where it can be debated over endlessly in various posts and message boards. According to some surveys, popular examples of microcheating can be liking an ex's old post, contacting them in some way on social media, keeping an active dating profile, or lying about your relationship status. Now some of these admittedly can be due to laziness, or how well your former relationships have ended. To some people they might not be cheating yet, but are behaviours that can lead to cheating, and therefore need to be nipped in the bud before it spiral out of control. To others, it can remain in the 'no harm, no foul' zone.

Other surveys have gotten a bit darker and asked people if lying or hiding the truth from their partner regarding contacting an ex is microcheating, and more people have said yes to this, similarly with the question about having someone listed under a different or fake name in your phone contact list. In other words, for a lot of people, it's the lying that is more indicative of a problem, or of something that might develop into a problem.

Everyone is a little bit different when it comes to what bothers them, and what sort of imagination they have when they are presented with a little bit of evidence of something. Microcheating is certainly something that can easily be denied, or can be claimed to be 'no big deal', but it is entirely understandable for you (or your partner) to want the complete truth over whatever the issue is, along with assurances that it won't happen again.

In some cases, this can be done quite easily. Maybe they still have an online dating profile because they've completely forgotten about it, and are so focussed on being in a relationship with you. Perhaps they worked with their ex and one point, and just liked a post because it had more to do with professionalism than anything else.

If you are looking for an example to confirm that your partner is going to cheat, you might convince you've found fire when there's only smoke. And this sort of suspicion alone can destroy a relationship, whether you just keep quiet about it and simmer, or whether you confront them and have an argument full of unsubstantiated accusations and denials. It's certainly a tightrope walk, because if you brush it off completely as not important, you'll feel doubly the fool if you come home and find someone else in your bed (which is something a lot more than microcheating, for sure).

While it's not exactly the sort of conversation you might have on your first couple dates, it might make sense to eventually have a discussion over what you and your partner think is cheating, because while there are some obvious examples, adding the word 'micro' can muddy the waters a bit. It's actually a good way to learn about more about your own attitudes and views on relationships, as well as your partner's. Are you both fairly laid back about these sorts of examples, and anything short of sexting or sending nude pics to others is totally okay, or is any sort of contact with someone who you've slept with completely unacceptable?

Seeing how you each react to these questions can be rather illuminating and shocking, and suddenly you might see the person in a completely different light. It might have been a good thing to have this conversation early on, and either end the relationship completely or set some boundaries, because no one should be blindsided by behaviour one person thought was okay, and the other thought was terrible. Even setting up these boundaries might be difficult, because even if your partner agrees to follow them, you still might have some lingering doubt over whether they actual are doing so. Once again, the danger of microcheating isn't exactly the act itself, but the slow erosion of trust that the act triggered.

No one wants to get cheated upon, obviously. It's a terrible feeling, full of betrayal and worthlessness, so it makes sense that people would try to avoid it happening to them in the first place. However you come by some evidence of what you might consider microcheating (maybe you're blandly borrowing your partner's phone to quickly order something or find an address and a strange text or notification pops up), might lead on an unfortunate path where you are trying to uncover more evidence to confirm your fears by any means possible.

While a relationship means you are sharing your lives together, there are still realms of privacy, and that can mean anything from certain bank accounts and perhaps various electronic devices like laptops and phones. If you are trying to break into your partner's phone to find out if they're cheating, it might be worth stopping simply because the trust has already been broken, if you're taking this step. The more responsible thing to do is to confront them about the microcheating, even though that might not completely fix the problem because now your partner will live with the feeling that you never wholly trust them.

If you feel like after x-amount of months or years with your partner you know them well enough that if you caught them micro-cheating that it's not going to be a one-time thing, that it's more of a sign of where they (and therefore you) are in the relationship, you might decide that this the proper time to end it, before it might get even more difficult and emotional for the both of you.

On the other hand, because it's not full-on cheating, where they are going out to pursue and affair or quick fling, both of you might agree that this behaviour should end now, that you are both going to re-commit to being in a better place in your relationship, and be open about everything, including the frustrations that might lead to cheating in the first place.

As relationships become more varied, with polyamory becoming more and more popular and people casually dating throughout their lives, we might reach a point that what is considered microcheating today might be considered innocent behaviour or light flirting for your next partner in the future. The fact that we even debate today about how wrong it is to have any sort of online or face-to-face contact with an ex while being a relationship shows that it's not so cut and dry.

In the survey mentioned above, two-thirds of respondents said that if you have a deep emotional connection with someone who is not your partner, then that would be considered cheating. It seems that in this case, emotional connection is automatically being linked with intimacy, which might be an attitude that changes in the future as well.

Without a doubt there will still be challenges with relationships in the future. In fact, it's entirely possible that more fluidity between personal lives of people that there will be even more examples of tiny behaviours that some people might find awful, and others might not care about at all. The key, as always, is to make sure everyone involved knows how every stands on these examples, because honesty and openness today saves a lot of trouble tomorrow.

It's no surprise that microcheating came out of the social media era, because it's here where almost all the possible problems occur. The internet has made it easy to live a double life (or maybe just one and a half lives), because even if you're sitting with your partner on the sofa, if you're both glued to your phones, there's really know way to be certain what they're doing and what they're looking at, unless you eventually get a hold of their device and look through their history. But that action alone can say a lot more about you and your trust issues than them and their fidelity issues.

If you're still swiping left or right out of curiosity of what's out there, maybe your partner will just roll their eyes if they find out, or maybe it'll be the start of a huge argument that ultimately ends the relationship. The worst thing about microcheating is that it is able to create the worst suspicions about someone close to you without ever being able to confirm them, so you suddenly live in a state where both situations are possible. There is the person in front of you who you know and care about, and then there is mysterious online persona of them that is a complete and dangerous mystery. That's why it's so important to be honest in relationships from day one onwards.

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