What you want to experience in your sex life can differ widely from person to person, and sometimes it's these two people who happen to be in a relationship. Even though we are living at a point where it's not unreasonable to have sex within the first few initial dates - and of course, there are plenty of hookup sites and apps where the whole points is having sex pretty much immediately - opening up and sharing your fantasies doesn't necessarily come right away.

Some fantasies are fairly easily fulfilled. Maybe you have a type of person that you want to have sex with, and if they have a certain physical characteristic (a large this, a small that, a certain colour hair or skin, etc.), then you're sexual fantasy is always going to be fulfilled, and it's just a matter of getting along with them in all the other non-sexual aspects of a relationship.

Slightly more complex are certain activities that might be involved during sex. Certain positions, certain accessories that you would like to wear (or would like them to wear), certain types of roleplaying, certain places to have sex, certain additional people involved, and many other quirks and kinks that you need to have happen to really enjoy the experience.

Thanks to the internet, it has become a lot easier to find people who share similar fantasies, as you can go to message boards and websites that cater to all sorts of things. In their personal ads or chat rooms you can meet people and fulfill your fantasies that way.

More typically, however, are people who use general dating websites and apps (and yes, sometimes meet in person) and don't exactly bring up their deepest fantasies as icebreaker-type small talk. For a lot of people, it takes time before you're feeling comfortable with sharing them. What's important is that none of these are fantasies that you should be ashamed of and try to hide or never bring up. Exploring these fantasies are a cornerstone of a healthy sexual identity and relationship.

As noted above, it's completely possible to meet people who already share the similar fantasy, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be compatible in a relationship (or even able to stand each other's company outside of the sex). While it solves the problem of 'bringing it up', it's not the most common way to meet people.

Bringing up sexual fantasies if you're on a more general date requires a bit more restraint. The conversation has to be pretty lively and comfortable to just drop in the fact that you really enjoy sniffing panties or boxer shorts during foreplay, or want to get spanked wildly just before getting on with some rough sex. This is especially true if you've brought it up at any time on previous dates, and found that it really did ruin the mood completely, and ended any future between the two of you.

Even the first time you have sex might not be the best time to bring up your fantasy, although in many ways it depends what that fantasy is. And because you don't know your partner that well at this point, it's hard to gauge their possible reaction. Some people might find it pretty straightforward and would have no problem playing along with whatever you'd like, and others might be shocked and put their clothes back on right away.

For some people, they unfortunately cannot enjoy sex without fulfilling their specific desires, and so perhaps while making out you can carefully ask about what turns your partner on before bring your own ideas up. If you can 'get through' normal fantasy-less sex, talking about future possibilities of incorporating what you love might come turning the post-coital come down, when everyone is a lot more relaxed and open-minded.

At the very least, before the third or fourth sexual encounter (when it's clear that you enjoy each other's company, with and without clothes) you should definitely make a point at telling them of what you would like to try, because it's part of your sexual identity.

On both sides of the sexual fantasy coin - what you would like to have happen, and what your partner would like to have happen - the key is simply honesty. Sex certainly isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but it is a very important thing (especially early on), and having to lie about enjoying it, or withholding a part of yourself while trying to experience this intimacy with someone else is not fair to either of you.

It's also important that you be honest about how you feel about their fantasies after trying them out. If they make you feel uncomfortable or awkward, you should definitely tell them this, although ideally in a way that won't hurt their feelings.

These are the three key words that popular sex advice columnist Dan Savage uses to describe a healthy sexual relationship. When your partner suggests adding something new, being those three things initially is a great sign. That doesn't mean you can demand that your lover tries something just because you want to. It is extremely important to be gentle with including your fantasy. You should never pressure your partner into trying something that they clear don't want to do.

Finding that middle ground is not easy, because while you might want to help your partner enjoy this doctor-nurse fantasy, you might feel completely awkward and uncomfortable in a uniform, and hate trying to imagine what your character will say in this situation (and try to make it sexy at the same time). Ideally if your partner can tell that you aren't exactly enjoying yourself, you'll both try to find a middle ground, even if having a conversation about that immediately can kind of kill the romance. It's good to say 'we tried', but by no means should you then be expected to try everything.

While clearly the tone of this article is to be supportive of your partner's sexual fantasy, there are certainly some limits where you can say 'no thanks'. If they had a foot fetish, chances are you won't feel completely shocked, upset or ashamed if they spend a lot of time licking or kissing your feet. You might not derive any sexual leaser from it (although you should feel good with the knowledge that they're having a great time), but it's not putting you in a position where you're having a bad or uncomfortable time. This is a good example of 'when to go with it'.

Now clearly one of the bigger taboos can involve some BDSM play. There are plenty of online groups that people who enjoy playing the role as the dominant or the submissive can meet up, and this is good situation, because finding out on a regular-seeming date that the person across from you only enjoys sex when their partner is bound and gagged to the bed is certainly a deal breaker if this sounds even remotely shocking to you (even starting slow with a blindfold and a feather might not good enough).

A lot of sexual fantasies involve a third person, and that's another tough bind. While it's been drummed into our heads that all guys dream about 'two women at once', more research has shown that women are just as interested as adding another person, and it can be either a women or another man. And all these permutations for three people sharing a bed can lead to problems before anything actually happens. Even if you've always wanted to be with two other people at once, your partner might not share that fantasy at all, and it's completely acceptable for them to shoot this down. There's also the possibility that they might feel it means you're not satisfied with them alone in bed, and that you need someone else to spice it up.

While you're at the right place to learn about sharing sexual fantasies in general, if you want to help your partner feel more comfortable exploring what you are interested in, go to a sex shop or sex class, and you can learn about this sort of fantasy in a safe and friendly environment. A lot o the stigma when it comes to talking about sex and what people get out of it is disappearing, so don't hesitate to make this as part of the process of incorporating your fantasy. And the great thing about this is that you can get some expert advice. The internet is certainly good for learning about certain aspects of sexual activities, positions, and a whole lot more, but talking to someone face-to-face is preferred when it comes to how to incorporate a certain type of erotic play into your own relationship.

While threesomes were mentioned above, those might be seen as one-off experiences, especially if your partner did not particularly enjoy it. Open relationships are the next step up, and they are becoming more and more popular these days. Not just because traditional marriage is no longer as appealing, or because work can separate couples much easier, but simply because we are redefining what sex and relationships (and 'sex in relationships') are.

You might be in a great relationship with someone, and they might like being with you, but at the same time one of their most popular fantasies is simply having sex with other strangers from time to time. Not even in the nymphomaniac sense, but just finding it incredibly erotic and stress-relieving to sleep with someone else. Now if this is your particular fantasy, it would certainly make for a difficult pitch for anyone who is not 100% on board. Once again, there are some great websites and message boards that cater to this lifestyle, which is good, because it's a tough one to bring up, especially the longer the relationship has gone on.

Sexual fantasies can change over time. What excited you for a few years can fade away, and another thing (related or not) might takes its place. Or maybe nothing replaces it, and you and your partner come totally happy with much more vanilla, straightforward sex (and there's nothing wrong with that if you're both having a good time).

But for those who hold onto the same fantasies for years and years, it's important to appreciate your partner for supporting you all this time so you can have that sexual release. Maybe sniffing undergarments becomes so commonplace in your lives that neither of you really give much thought to it, that's it's just part of sex for both of you now. Certainly living with someone for a long time means you pick up and adopt some of their behaviours, so it's no surprise that the same thing might happen with sex. And it's wonderful if the fantasy is something that can become a cornerstone of your relationship.

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