For some older readers, paperclipping might not seem like a big deal. In fact, for them, it might just seem like the passage of time. For the internet savvy generation, however, it's a great affront that unfairly plays with your emotions. What certainly doesn't help is just how much of a specific situation this term applies to, so much so that there's almost a little story we have to tell.

If you had a fling with someone you may have met online or even at a bar or party, and then try to text them and ask to hang out again, or even just chat, but get no response...that's not paperclipping yet. Now, if more time passes and you begin to assume that they're never going to respond and that it was just a one-night stand or whatever...but then they suddenly text you out of the blue asking how you're doing...that's paperclipping. The act of popping up out nowhere after your (now former) lover thought it was all over and done with.

While this sort of behaviour has probably existed for years and years, the modern version of it can really only exist thanks to cell phones. There needs to be the reaching out by one party, a long period of silence from the second party, and then a sudden and surprising response from them. While it feels like the internet has sped everything up, the size of the response delay can vary widely, from days to weeks to months.

This deserves its own special section because where the name came from is pretty ridiculous. At least terms like 'dog fishing' and 'microcheating' have some vague indication of what the terms might be about. Here, 'paperclipping' is a reference to the talking paperclip icon that was included in several versions of Microsoft Word in the late nineteen nineties and early two-thousands. It's name was Clippy, and it had a knack for showing up at the worst possible time to give you unwanted advice that you didn't really need. Perhaps now with that last line you can see how it's a bit like getting a text from someone you've forgotten about, but even that's a bit of a stretch.

It's a good example of how social media works, actually. Since all it took was one savvy Instagram artist to share a drawing of a Clippy-like illustration saying text-like lines to her one hundred thousand-plus followers for this to now officially be a thing with a name. But that's how language develops over time. Someone creates an internet-shorthanded for a not-so-unique experience, and now everyone is familiar with it.

Probably not! You can certainly let it be a big deal if you'd like it to be, as proof that a lot of people today are rude or insensitive, or lament that it's so hard for you find someone who wants to be with you at the same time that you want to be with them. Depending on how well you got to know them with the first date(s), you should hopefully be able to tell if this was them being cold and calculating, or whether it was just a slip of the mind.

The real decision is what you're going to do about it now. It might feel good to send back an icy, sarcastic reply like, 'oh, good to see you're not dead', but it's possible that they might have had a very good reason for not texting you for a very long time, and it might be one that might make you feel quite guilty if your first response was derision.

If you just begin to talk to them about what happened and ask politely about the delay, you might find that they are now interested in seeing you again, and you can then decide whether you think that's a good idea, or whether there's serious concern the same thing might happen again. Depending on how fun and magical your first fling with them was, you might find that it's totally worth the risk to see them a second time, and maybe more often after that.

There is also the distinct possibility that after the fling, the person who 'paperclipped' you just kept dating and trying to meet new people, but they found out that none of them were as good as a companion as you were, and that's why they've come back to you, asking how you're doing (which is a very bland and casual way of asking for a sort of second chance).

In this way, you were quickly turned into a temporary platonic friend (or really, ex-friend) by this person. Someone who they can rush back to and try a relationship with if all other avenues are currently exhausted. And it's up to you whether you choose to be offended by this, or whether you are in the exact same boat and thought it was pretty fun night, and want to strike up the relationship yet again. There is some advantage to this, as the initial heat from first seeing each other has cooled slightly, so you are almost seeing each other a friends with benefits, since you aren't immediately think of a relationship at this point. You can be a bit more relaxed, and even see things with a bit more of a critical eye. A bit of time can give you a lot of objective distance, and seeing this person again in a slightly new 'friend-ish' light can help you decide what kind of future you want to have with them (if any).

Having bad timing and bad luck certainly won't make this person any more appealing or sympathetic to you, and certainly if they text you out of nowhere and you're actually trying to start a fresh relationship with someone else, you probably will have a very unfavourable opinion of them. How you want to respond can range from sending a bitter and boastful message about how you've moved on, are a lot happier, and that they shouldn't treat people the way they did, or simply saying 'sorry, taken' if you just want to get to the heart of the matter.

It would almost certainly be best to tell the person you're in a new relationship absolutely everything. While it might be an awkward conversation to suddenly say out the blue that someone you hooked up with three months ago has suddenly reached out, having to hide anything like this from them will only increase problems in the future. Just make sure that you make it clear that it's over, otherwise you might just have this new person always wondering whether you have something on the side going (and you'll doubly hate this person who paperclipped you, for creating this problem in your new relationship).

The internet has made it possible to be whoever you want to whomever, and that is something we are still wrestling with. You can be dating several people at once, each telling a little bit of lies and truth about yourself to them, and can ignore one for awhile if one person is really exciting you. But if that falls apart, you won't see resurrecting a conversation with someone you'd forgotten about as 'crawling back', but just a shifting of your focus. How this other person might feel about it can be entirely different, however.

The key is just to be honest about what you are looking for right from the start. Tell the person on your first date if you are casually seeing other people, and would therefore like to keep anything that happens between you and them casual as well. That way it wouldn't be particularly frustrating if it's one night stand that goes nowhere, and then you start to text them again suddenly out of the blue. Of course they would be upset if they were hoping for a chance of a serious relationship, but if you made it clear that's not what you were looking for, maybe saying hi all the months later might result in another quick fling that both of you really enjoy. And the difference was simply being completely honest right from the start.

"Love 'em and leave 'em" is a rather old saying about primarily men who will hop from woman to woman without really keeping in touch for a long time, so in the grand scheme of sex and dating, this phenomenon isn't new. There is a level of thoughtlessness to Paperclipping that isn't seen in a lot of other dating trends like ghosting or microcheating. There is an attitude by some that it's no big deal to try to rekindle a not-so-old flame, or at least ask about it, since it's now so easy to text anyone from your recent or distant past.

For some people it can be something to legitimately get upset over, as it shows that people can still be pretty ignorant to other's feelings, even if it might have just been a miscommunication over what a one-night-stand truly meant. But the truth is that relationships are changing, and technology and the internet has played a large role in doing this. Fewer marriages, and a lot more shorter and varied types of relationships. People are able to be more nomadic, since more people rent instead of buy property, and careers are more fluid. All this affects sex and dating habits as well. For people whose jobs requires them to travel regularly, having a relationship that you pick up again when you're back in the same city as the person doesn't sound so strange. In this case, sending a 'hey, what's up?' text when you're back in town out of the blue might just be part of how you and them are now seeing each other.

In the end, the best thing you can do when it comes to the issue of paperclipping is just message and text with a little consideration for the person on the other end of it. What would you like to hear/read from this person if they were feeling the same way? If you had a one night stand with someone and would like to see them again, but they don't feel that way, would you like them to completely ignore you, or at least send a considerate text saying essentially 'thanks, but I'm gonna move on'.

Even when the actual paperclipping occurs, and you are reaching out to this person you haven't seen for awhile but would like to again, adding an apology right from the start would certainly be helpful, and even offering so explanation about why you haven't texted for so long can definitely smooth things over a bit. And if you do get a response from them, being extremely polite and complimentary about them will go a long way to maybe getting into their good books (among other things) again.

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